Fear my Entrepreneurial Powers (Weekly Update)
Today, I spent the majority of my workday making myself sick over searching for another job. All to only realize that my efforts in finding work outside of my current job are largely fruitless for the time being. I keep wanting some magical artsy job that pays $80k to pop up in the search of Indeed or LinkedIn but so far, nothing has. I go through these phases at my day-job at least once a month. Grasping at the hope that I could be doing something better for good (or at least comparable) pay. Something that aligns with my values, odd skillset and financial needs.
My current job is nothing to scoff at but it certainly wouldn’t be my first pick if I were to find it scrolling through a job site. Ordering a catered lunch for 400 people 3 times a week and organizing the needs of a consultant’s client meeting is far from the top of dream jobs list. But it pays decently well, has incredible benefits and provides free food……that I order. It is cushy, I won’t lie or try and convince you that it’s some awful backbreaking job with crappy hours. It’s just not for me, and not just in the work itself. I don’t drink, I don’t go out and I don’t keep up with The Bachelor, this excludes me out of 85% of all office talk that goes on around me. I always dress like I’m one clothing item away from going to the Renaissance Faire and I get called an “iPad kid” when I bring my artwork to the table during lunch. For most of my time at work, I accept my place, keep my head down and just try to get the work done. But other days, especially busy ones or days when I mess up, all I can do is dream about standing up from my desk and saying “I’m out”. To be able to close my laptop, hand in my badge and not have to worry about how crazy the next few months are or if the food delivery driver will show up on time tomorrow morning. That I’ll never again have to type “Just looping back around to this” or “Yes, I do have capacity to have a huddle with you this afternoon.” shudders.
But after my hours of skimming job listings that boast the “ability to be remote” while requiring 7+ years of experience in a “fintech” field I’ve never heard of, I always end up at the same conclusion: Oh well, I guess I’ll just stay where I’m at. Or to sort of quote Ferris Bueller: “It still doesn’t change the fact I have to go to work tomorrow.”
I know that eventually I’ll be able to do all those things listed above, that yes, there will be a day that I “close the loop” for the last time. Some days I just get disheartened by the fact that that day isn’t tomorrow or the next day or the day after.
My ride home from work today consisted of me going between scrolling aimlessly through Indeed and blankly staring out the window of the train in the hope that my eye would catch something and I’ll have a eureka moment that solves everything. That didn’t happen, instead I saw turtles at the edge of a river and thought about how they’ve never had to pay taxes. I also thought about what I’m currently qualified to do, or at least what I’m “on paper” qualified to do. My master’s degree in entrepreneurship quite literally tells the world that I’m qualified to create and work at my own business. And I thought to myself “Why aren't I doing that?” and then the obvious answer came to mind “MONEY…..You have VERY LITTLE of that!”. But I learned about how to get said money while working on my degree. A lot of “selling yourself” and promising a percentage of profits to shareholders. The only issue there is that I just can’t think of a business idea that would be innovative and compelling to investors.
What can I think of that hasn’t been done already?
I don’t know!
As of right now, all of my “business ventures” solely consist of creative projects. I’m working on the Chicago Oracle deck, I have plans of creating a YouTube channel that focuses on sustainable crafting, or “crafty crafting”, and then any number of graphic novels and books. All I want to do is be given the time to properly give these creative endeavors my full attention. Right now, I’m taking any and all free time that I have to work on them to various extents. Shout out to my mom for helping with things that take me away from my work. She’s the number one reason why I get to have this wealth of time after my 9-5.
I feel like I have so many ideas for things that all have the potential to be my big ticket out of corporate America. My only roadblock being low funds and little time. Some days I want to just quit and see what happens. Stop wishing and driving myself further into a “lack mindset” and just give myself that time. But then the idea of being “The unemployed 25 year old with an art degree who’s squatting in a friend’s spare room and mooching off of family” snaps me out that thought rather quickly…But I could that, I could be the squatting moocher. And I think that’s what worries me. I could just quit tomorrow. But then of course I’d have no income to add to my “house down payment” savings account….And I’d feel guilty that I’m not pulling my own weight in some way. Aaand I think my grandmother would adopt me as her own personal live in assistant and driver. * sigh *
Once again, I come to the end of my day long journey of trying to find a way out only to end up at the same conclusion I always do…Except I always come out with a few more ideas and little more hope.
I’ll continue moving forward on my current path and continue to dedicate my time to safely and responsibly planning my exit from the corporate world. It’s gonna take time, a lot of saved up funds and some really smart decisions but I’ll do it.
To sort of quote Mark Watney in The Martian: “Earth will come to fear my Entrepreneurial powers.”